A Cat Story and Humane Questions

There’s a local cat who has decided that this house is her home. She doesn’t like coming inside, so a nice box was made for her outside. Earlier today, I gave her some of my Alaskan sockeye salmon, and she seemed to love it. I have a bit left and will feed her more later.

She’s been around for about two years now. At first, she was very skittish—nervous and hard to approach. But recently, she’s grown warmer, letting me give her a little scratch on the head and behind the ears. She’s still young.

I was listening again to The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk on Audible, as well as a podcast yesterday, and I was reminded of something I know deeply: trauma creates idiosyncrasies. It makes people hard to know—not out of secrecy, but from the need to stay safe.

It’s taken me many years to understand this. In just a few weeks, I’ll be 12 years alcohol-free. I’m beginning to see my creativity flourish again—something I lost long ago, starting when I was just four years old. I’ve come a long, long way. I persisted. Over and over, I held onto grace. And now I’m enjoying the fruits of that perseverance. I’m engaging in life, connecting with people who no longer trigger me. I’ve become better at making choices and valuing my time.

Through all those years, it was rare for anyone to ask, “What happened to you?” The question was usually, “What’s wrong with you?”—a hurtful phrase, though often not meant that way.

And this brings me back to the cat. As I fed her some salmon this morning, I spoke to my neighbour. “I wonder what happened to her,” I said—thinking of the long time it took for her to trust, to let us near, to allow a gentle stroke.

So here’s a small tip: if someone seems to have their own quirks or oddities as you get to know them, consider asking—gently, lovingly—What happened to you?

That question can be a doorway. It’s how we truly get to know each other. It’s how we help each other heal. It’s how we help each other flourish into life-giving beings.

Oliva looking unsure about humans!

She went on to have kittens.