Self-Talk & Reparenting

A Soft Place to Land: Healing the Inner Critic with Self-Talk and Reparenting

Many of us carry a quiet kind of pain—one that whispers through our thoughts, our doubts, and the way we speak to ourselves when no one else is listening.

It’s the voice of the inner critic. The one that says, You’re not enough. You should be better. You don’t deserve rest, love, kindness, good friendships, enjoyable work and healthy finances. That voice can feel like truth, especially if it was the only one we knew growing up.

But here’s something tender and true:

You can learn to speak to yourself differently. And in doing so, you can begin to heal.

Why Our Inner Voice Matters

From a young age, we absorb the emotional tone of our environment. If love came with conditions, or if we were criticised more than comforted, our nervous system learned to anticipate pain—even from within. Over time, that becomes our inner voice.

It’s not your fault if that voice turned harsh.
But it is within your power to soften it.

Reparenting is the gentle practice of learning to care for yourself in the way you always needed and deserved. It’s about offering yourself the warmth, safety, and compassion that may have been missing. One of the most meaningful ways to do this is through self-talk—by intentionally choosing words that soothe instead of scold, that comfort instead of criticise.

This isn’t about pretending everything’s fine or ignoring real feelings. It’s about creating an inner home where all of you is welcome.

The Heart of Reparenting: Pete Walker’s Affirmations

In his deeply compassionate book, Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving, therapist Pete Walker shares a list of affirmations that many people have found life-changing. These aren’t just words—they’re emotional nourishment.

You don’t need to earn these words. You only need to hear them—again and again—until they start to feel like your own.

Reparenting Affirmations

I am so glad you were born. You are a good person.

I love who you are and am doing my best to always be on your side.

You can come to me whenever you’re feeling hurt or bad.

You do not have to be perfect to get my love and protection.

All of your feelings are okay with me.

I am always glad to see you.

It is okay for you to be angry and I won’t let you hurt yourself or others when you are.

You can make mistakes – they are your teachers.

You can know what you need and ask for help.

You can have your own preferences and tastes.

You are a delight to my eyes.

You can choose your own values.

You can pick your own friends, and you don’t have to like everyone.

You can sometimes feel confused and ambivalent, and not know all the answers.

I am very proud of you.

Let these words wash over you, even if part of you resists them, even if you don’t believe them yet.

Learning to Speak Kindly to Yourself

You don’t have to take on the whole list at once.
Start small.

Pick one or two affirmations that feel like they might fit, even if they’re a little uncomfortable. Maybe something like:

“You can make mistakes – they are your teachers,” or “All of your feelings are okay with me.”

Repeat them gently, like a lullaby for your inner child. Whisper them when you’re scared, tired, or hurting. Write them in your journal. Put them somewhere you’ll see them—on your mirror, your phone, your fridge. Let these words become the new language of your healing.

A Gentle Reminder

Changing your inner dialogue takes time. It’s okay if it feels awkward at first. It’s okay if you forget. Just come back when you can.

Every time you choose softness over shame, you’re repairing something sacred.
You’re creating safety within yourself.
And that is no small thing.

You are worthy of kindness, especially from yourself.
And if no one told you this today:
I’m so glad you’re here.

Photo of me Summer 2024