Tradition Versus Reality

Those traditional expectations of what a mother or a parent “should be” clash violently with the lived reality of someone who’s been abused. That creates a split in the psyche. On one side, there’s society telling you “mothers nurture, protect, love, sacrifice.” On the other side, your own body and memory are screaming “she harmed me, neglected me, betrayed me.”

That contradiction is deeply confusing. It forces the child into impossible positions: blaming themselves, feeling guilty, silencing their anger, carrying the parent’s shame, because society doesn’t allow space for the truth that sometimes mothers or fathers are cruel and destructive.

So when you, as an adult, decide to go no contact, you’re not just breaking away from the person, you’re also breaking away from those ingrained cultural scripts. That’s why it feels so destabilizing, almost like you’re “bad” for not obeying the rules. But the truth is, the rules were written to protect the illusion of the parent, not the child’s reality.

And yes, the pain of the past is real, but part of healing is building your own family as you go. It might not be the family you were born into, but it can be the family you choose. I’m grateful for the beautiful souls in my life who stand by me. My dear friend Ladan has been a rock for me, and I’m blessed with a few others whose care and kindness shine through. You can see it in the way love radiates from a photograph, the energy that comes from being surrounded by people who genuinely want your well-being, even after a life marked by trauma.

Beautiful Friendships Change Things!

My dear friend Ladan has been a rock for me, and I’m blessed with a few others whose care and kindness shine through.